Obelix's corpulence, Bérurier's banter, Colombo's raincoat and Maigret's pipe had never helped make Hyppolite Durieux a renowned cop, but today his abilities would be put to the test. . Indeed, a crime had just been committed in Noirmoutier in full departure of the Tour de France and its reputation could cross the borders of the island. He should not miss the opportunity.
His first concern was to go to the scene of the crime: a technical truck of a team in sight in this one hundred and fifth Tour de France cyclist, the "Great Loop". His divisional had made more recommendations than usual. It was not to tarnish the reputation of teams, the Tour and its sports organizers and especially, especially, those of local officials.
Arriving at the car park that housed the technical staff, he immediately recognized the logo of the team he was looking for. Anyway, an impressive cordon of police and gendarmes was already present. He could not have been wrong. His "nose" immediately told him that something was wrong.
Seeing the policeman arrive from his heavy gait dodeling on both sides of his prominent belly, the colleagues present discreetly moved away. He passed worthily in front of them, the basques of his open raincoat floating in the light wind, and entered the bus-workshop by returning his belly.
- Name of name, it is who who fucked me doors so p'tites. Do you think there are only wasps that cycle?
The interior of the truck was tidy. Everything seemed in its place and only a large blood stain was a mess in the middle of the vehicle. A policeman in white dress seemed to be picking up items from the storage shelves.
- And where is the stiffness? the policeman wondered.
- There is no corpse.
- No ?
- No. Shut up the guy.
- Name of name! I knew ben that would me shit this cunt!
- Inspector, let's see!
- Well, whatever happened?
And it was explained to him that the corpse had been discovered by a technician, about six-thirty in the morning. He had rushed to the team manager's office to warn him. He had to go to the brewery "La Terrasse" at Herbaudiere, at the end of the island, to find him and explain the matter at length, the director seeming not to understand and realize. When they came back, the body was gone, leaving only a trace of blood.
Durieux Hyppolite scratched vigorously with her tousled red hair. He went to settle in front of a café at "P'tit Noirmout" where he lit his first pipe of the day despite the early hour. He summoned the director of the team immediately. As usual, he immediately saw a possible solution with a procedure to follow to conduct his investigation.
- Hello Headmaster. I'm in charge of investigating this weird murder. I'm going to need your help to understand how your cycling world works since I do not know anything about it.
- Hello inspector. I understand your concern, but the Tour is leaving in four hours and my team needs me. I'm afraid you have to go without me.
- I will disturb you as little as possible, but must what is said here.
He decided to call all the members of the included riders team to question them. He began with the cyclists to release them very quickly, because he thought they were for nothing and that the start of the Tour would be despite everything.
The interrogations were brief and very succinct. Lieutenant Durieux absolutely wanted to keep with him the team director for possible translations, because he only spoke the purest French, according to him, the popular French that his uncle Herbert Defaitte, a donkey farmer, had taught him. job. Her (it was his nickname) Defait had raised him since his father had died at sea aboard the lobster "The Hardi". The ten riders on the team did not know anything, did not see anything, did not hear anything.
The inspector, however, heard comments outside him calling him soft-whipped cop and chuckles. He kept this for himself. For the moment, he told himself, for the moment.
- Bou diou de bou diou! There's no talking to your pedal guys, Hyppolite told the team director.
- You know, in our job, we are stingy with words. We need all our energy to pedal and it is not always easy, the director answered.
"Well, bring me the technicians," he said to his assistants, looking through the pockets of his dubious beige raincoat, his tobacco pouch to light a new pipe.
They passed one after the other, except for a certain Pierre Bennotte, a native of the island, who had to leave hurriedly this morning for an unforeseen family, "with the authorization of the team director" had declared with a pinch the technical manager. Technicians also nobody had seen anything, heard nothing. They were all busy preparing bicycles for their cyclists and did not waste time looking at what others were doing. The one who had discovered the corpse stated that the body was lying on his stomach and that he had not seen who it was. Inspector Durieux freed the technicians.
- I would like to go now too, inspector, asked the director of the team.
- Yes OK. I have to check, go ahead.
- Thank you, he said, getting up to leave.
- Ah, but by the way, one last thing. You told me that your cyclists needed all their energy. And if they do not have enough, what's going on?
- Well we lose the stage, we lose the premium, we lose prestige, we risk losing everything and that is inconceivable for a team of our fame.
- Ah ... Inconceivable ... Thank you very much.
The team director was about to cross the threshold of the coffee shop door when the policeman called again.
- And this guy Pierre Bennotte, you allowed him to leave for what motive?
- A problem in his family. His dying father, I believe.
- Thank you. See you soon.
As these interrogations unfolded, time passed and the hour of the great departure of the first leg was approaching at a crazy speed. The advertising caravan made a hell of a stir with its horns, the shouts of its mountebanks and those of the spectators who fought over the generously distributed giveaways. The speakers installed by the municipality for the occasion poured their flood of local advertising.
People were running everywhere, the gendarmes were trying to channel the many curious who were hailing from one sidewalk to another to greet each other. The journalists sneaked up, holding out their pickups and shouting their questions in the middle of this jolly mess. The sellers of French fries and sandwiches were already enjoying themselves, sweet smells of pancakes scented the atmosphere and the seagulls disturbed by all this upheaval shouted their offuscation.
The festive atmosphere contrasted with the wrinkled forehead of our inspector whose brain was looking for a way to understand what had happened this morning in this technical truck. While thinking, Inspector Hyppolite Durieux rubbed his prognathous chin and half closed his right eye.
The preliminary interrogations had given nothing. The only point of attachment was the technician supposedly left that morning. The audit was under way to control the information. Hyppolite Durieux then expanded his research and the police quickly questioned all the teams and all the staff present on the site. Time was pressing. The hour of departure was approaching and the tide was beginning to descend, which would allow the advertising caravan and the runners to pass through the goï, this road flooded at each high tide, to reach the continent.
That's when someone approached the inspector.
- Hi Hyppolite. I think I found a corpse.
- Bou diou! Albert, do you have me?
- Come see. I found it just now in a carnation, under a meter of salt. I slowly brought the salt to the edge of the eyelet with my and all of a sudden I saw a piece of hand that exceeded the mule.
The inspector noticed on the spot that his school friend was telling the truth. The murderer must have hidden the body to be discovered as late as possible, eaten away by salt. However, the corpse had been hidden there rather quickly and the pile of salt had been reconstituted by an amateur, in a hurry.
- That's why I wanted to raise the salt. The mulon was not compliant and I do not like when the job is badly done.
Hyppolite returned to the camp of the Tour. He thought that the traveler was Pierre Bennotte, a guy from Gueriniere, a few miles away, who apparently had not gone home, contrary to what had been said to the policeman. He began to orient his research towards this track when the UCI controller's manager came to see him.
- Hello Inspector. Is it you who is conducting the investigation? he said with a strong English accent.
- Yes my lord. Who are you?
- I lead the team of controllers of the International Cycling Union. Our job is to control the riders to avoid doping, and also to control the equipment, the bicycles, to see if they weigh the good weight, etc ...
- Ah yes. Those who have never seen that ... well let's move on. I had forgotten you. So what ?
- Then one of my controllers has disappeared. I had assigned him to take care of the team where the murder was committed.
- Oh, shit! Come with me. I'm leaving with the director of the team to see a corpse. I need to know who it is.
Once there, it was clear. The director said:
- It's not Pierre.
- My God, it's my controller exclaimed the Englishman.
The problem was getting worse. The policeman started pacing up and down, puffing at his pipe. His red hair was floating in the breeze of the sea charged with the smell of iodine and some sea spray torn from the tide came to whip his old formless rain. He hummed, imitating in this his idol Berrurier, a song of his own: "The walk of salt workers" ("Saunions, saunions, because we are salt-workers, my brothers." Let's sing about our muloons, because we are roosters with salt ... ").
An idea made its way into his head. He mumbled incoherent sentences between two stanzas and his assistants watched him walk, his head bent to his right, his pipe in his left hand raised over his shoulder. From time to time he stopped for a few seconds and then started again, pushing his big belly forward from left to right.
The sun was already high in the blue sky of the island, only troubled by little fluffy white clouds. The seagulls were yawning over the harbor, and were still circling near the Museum of Shipbuilding, above the Town Hall Square.
- Inspector, the advertising caravan will leave in a quarter of an hour. We let them leave the island?
- Yes Yes. They can leave. But not the controllers or the technicians. And not the team directors either.
- But it is inadmissible regimba the team director. My men need me. Finally, Mr. Inspector, it's not our fault if you do not move forward!
- And who tells you that I'm not moving forward? Hyppolite Durieux said looking at him in a funny way. But you are right. Let everyone go except the head of the UCI, this gentleman and his technical manager he said to his deputies while the team director exploded with rage.
The police inspector returned to town and settled in the brewery "Le P'tit Noirmout" near the Town Hall. The warm room, with its exposed stonework, its red painted beams and its wooden floor, helped it to reflect. He ordered a beer from the country, beer brewed in the neighboring commune of La Gueriniere.
- An N'O please Gaston. And a little dish of mogettes to the fressure.
- At this inspector's hour?
- Well what, we could right to fill his belly when it is empty?
He summoned again the protagonists of the affair. It had been almost four hours since he had received the instructions of the commissary. He felt confusedly that he was close to solving the riddle. He was pretty sure of what he was thinking. He had two things checked on the Internet and then he received the chief controller of the UCI first.
"Sit down, mister the Lord. And tell me everything.
- Tell you what, Sir Durdoyl? Or should I call you Sherlock? replied the sitting Briton who played his accent to maliciously misrepresent the name of the French policeman who teased him about his nationality.
- Well, tell me whatever you're looking for in this truck, for example.
- My colleague was responsible for checking the conformity of the equipment with the rules of the race. He had inherited this team in control by simple administrative designation. Nothing more.
- You mean that this team was not suspected.
- No team is suspected a priori. We are more focused on what controls are ... how do you say "deterent effect", oh yes, dissuasive.
- So your controller was doing a routine job.
- Yes, that's it.
- And this routine work led him into the truck.
- Uh, there, I would not say that like that.
- What would you say ? And, addressing the waiter while wiping drops of hair on his chin and his napkin hung by a corner between his neck and his shirt, Gaston, another ration of fat with a N'O, is pleased. You want a beer, Sir? One of us.
- No thanks. I would say that if he got into the truck, there was something that intrigued him, probably.
- Tell me, apart from the weight of the bike, what is it that might not be in accordance with the rules?
"Well, we have been looking for some time for electric frauds.
- Electric frauds! On bikes? Thank you, Gaston. Are you sure you do not want a N'O beer?
- No. Finally, no N'O beer. Or, an Ok.
- It's no ? It's OK ? Is it yes or no?
- Yes for an Okells brand English, we say an Ok, home.
- They are crazy, these English !! Hein, Gaston. Okay, so what are these electric bike stories?
The Brit sighed. He was beaten at this little game. He understood that the inspector had already inquired between interrogations and played with him in the cat and the mouse.
- These are small electric motors hidden in the tubes of the bike and help to turn the wheels when against the clock or in the mountains. This allows to go a little faster and especially to tire less. We win stages and therefore money thanks to this subterfuge.
- Is it really true? With this system, it is no longer necessary to use drugs.
"Well, yes, Mr. Inspector. It exists.
- So your controller could have gotten into the truck to look for rigged bike frames.
- Yes, or something else. We recently found a pedal with a mini electric motor hidden in the axis itself.
- In the axis? And how to discover this thing?
- We have electronic tablets that detect electrical waves when we pass them within a centimeter of the tube or the axis.
- Less than a centimeter! And if we go a little further, or so quickly ...
- We do not detect anything.
- And we have to go and control that in the truck.
- No, it must be checked at the start or on the road during the race to see the criminal use.
- So what made your controller in the truck?
"I do not know, sir, I do not know.
The interview stopped there. Hyppolite thinks for a moment before giving very precise instructions to one of his deputies. Then he brought in the chief technician of the team involved in the murder. The man looked sickly. His eyes seemed to look everywhere for something. He sat down and began to wring his hands feverishly.
- You are the technical manager of the team. How far is your responsibility? He said his mouth full of shreds.
- I must guarantee the proper functioning of the bicycles assigned to the riders. Every champion has his bikes. I mean every bike is tuned for one athlete and not another. And they all have three custom bikes based on their size, weight, how they pedal, etc.
- And you guarantee also the respect of the rules of the Tour?
- What are you talking about ? he replied, embarrassed.
- The weight of the bike, lenticular wheels ... Or to check that the bike does not include a little hidden thing ...
- Ah, it's the doctor who takes care of the possible drugs.
- The doctor also takes care of electric motors?
"I do not know what you mean," he replied, fidgeting in his seat.
- Boudiou! Is not it strange that a technician of your level does not see what I'm talking about? Who gives orders in your team?
- He's the team director. I do not know anything. It's not me who buys the bikes at the base.
- Why are you defending yourself? Are you hiding something or are you scared? And then I talked about electric motors, not buying bikes. There are electric bikes in your very famous team?
- I tell you it's not me. And worse this morning, I was not up at five.
So it was five o'clock. And the guy Pierre, he was at the truck at five o'clock. You confirm ?
- But I said nothing, me. It's not true. I do not know anything ! It's the team director who allowed him to leave, it's not me. The man was sweating heavily now.
The inspector did not insist more. He had understood everything. He pulled the techie out of the back of the brewery between two policemen. He took another pause and gave new instructions to his deputy after hearing the report he gave him about the deceased controller and Pierre Bennotte the missing technician. Then he brought in the director of the team.
The Tour had been gone for half an hour now. The director stepped into the chairs as he passed, apparently drunk with rage.
- It is unacceptable ! he shouted. Who do you think, little cop of a lost hole! A species of redneck! A little "flouc" is what you are. You will hear about me, I tell you!
- I notice an insult to a police officer in his role of representative of the police force. I order you to stay up and not move if you do not want to end up with handcuffs on your wrist.
The director seemed to be clubbed on the head. His fulminating gaze turned into a questioning gaze, then a shadow of fear passed in his eyes. He calmed down immediately. How could this redneck, this little cop, this "flouc", allow himself to speak to him like this?
- Tell me what you were doing in the truck this morning at five o'clock with the UCI controller and Pierre Bennotte.
"But, but, I was not there," he said, destabilized by this frontal and direct attack. I do not know what to talk to you about
- Well, I'll tell you: you were buying the controller's silence.
- No, I do not understand.
- Did you give Peter the money before or after the murder?
- But I'm innocent. I do not know what you're talking about.
- I'm talking about electric motors hidden in the axes of the pedals. I'm telling you that the controller was blackmailing you and that you had had enough. I'm talking about the murder that you committed to end this. I'm telling you about the corpse you asked Pierre, the local guy, to hide in the salt shakers. We have all the evidence.
Seeing that the pot with the roses was discovered, the director literally collapsed on a chair while exclaiming:
- I did not kill him. It's Pierre.
- Well then. My services have just discovered Pierre, hidden in the attic of his house in Guérinière. Not end the stone. In fact, he gave us the envelope that contained five hundred thousand euros on which we will surely find your fingerprints. He has already confessed almost everything, the inspector lied.
Then the director told the whole story. Engines hidden for two years in the frames then in the axis of bottom bracket. The day before, the controller of the UCI had discovered by chance the new system of cheating invented this year with electromagnets scattered all around the rim of the rear wheel. By controlling the frame, his tablet was close to the tire and reacted.
The controller had offered them a financial arrangement and the team director had accepted after consulting the main sponsor.
- It will be enough for me to pass the tablet to more than one centimeter of the frame or the tire and to pass it quickly so that nothing is detected, had promised them the controller of the UCI.
But at the time of the delivery of the envelope, in the truck, he had asked for a second for the following week. The director of the team had gone out of his way, he had jostled him and the controller had fallen, hitting his head on a shelf edge.
Pierre was in the corner, the director had asked him to remove the body in exchange for the envelope, and disappear for a day or two. It had been necessary to invent a story for the chief technician who only later understood the real reason for Peter's absence.
The truth was known to all before the arrival of the stage. The boss of the sponsoring company was stopped in the paddocks in La Roche-sur-Yon at the moment when the winner of the stage, a rider of the team concerned, crossed the finishing line with a little too much ease. Hyppolite taste.
Inspector Durieux was sitting in front of P'tit Noirmout's TV, a good N'O and a big cock in salt crust in front of him when the Divisional Commissioner called him on the phone to congratulate him.
- A case well conducted, inspector. Bravo. The results of this survey will be global. It's a real scandal. You will become famous. What is your feeling at the moment?
"Boudiou, commissioner, we should not take ourselves for nonsense! he answered his superior, sputtering everywhere. That's scandalous, is not it?
- Yes, Durieux, yes. This is what is scandalous.